Hands shaking.
Breathing short.
Heart pounding.
I start quietly snapping my fingers by my side, both hands, trying to calm the anxiety. All I’m doing is heading into my office, among the Christmas lights and wreaths and someone’s Alexa playing carols…
It strikes me that this has always happened. Ever since I was a child, the holidays have always been an overwhelming time for me. And as I stop at the base of the stairs, snapping and trying to quiet my breath, I wonder what in the hell is wrong with me.
NOTHING.
There is nothing wrong with me. As it turns out, there is a link between neurodiversity and holiday overwhelm. I know because I googled it. While most articles focus on the impact holidays have on neurodiverse children, ND adults have the same experiences—and are at a disadvantage, as we’re expected to have “grown beyond it.” Thus, the reason I’m snapping and hiding at the bottom of a stairwell…
An October 2023 article in SSM Health concluded that the holiday season is disruptive to neurodiverse children for three main factors: the multiple sources of sensory overload, the disruption of routine, and the multiple and varied social obligations.
Well, I can tell you… All true here. My workplace is generally not covered in sparkly lights and plastic greenery, nor are there daily cookie offerings and people breaking into cheerful song. I generally go out with friends once a week, not every night—nor do I find myself surrounded by way too many other people in way too many stores on way too many occasions.
And let’s not even get into how many people want to see me! I mean, I love them all, and of course I want to see them, but… breakfast out on Monday, gift exchange on Tuesday, cookie exchange on Wednesday, Zoom gathering on Thursday, dinner out on Friday, Christmas village on Saturday, lunch out on Sunday, and then Christmas itself… Oh my.
I wouldn’t change any of it for the world, though. I love all these people, and they love me… and it took me a great many years to find them. So how, then, do I handle all of this without anxiety attacks and obsessive stimming?
(For those not familiar with the word, “stimming” is the act of seeking some sort of repetitive sensory stimulation in order calm out the other physical and mental noise. For me, quiet snapping, tapping my fingers, chewing my lip…)
The SSM Health article proposes a number of solutions for children, which require adults to help out. I propose that we help ourselves out with many of those same techniques.
I can prepare myself better in advance. Heading to an event, I can turn off the radio in the car to “store up” my calm. I can wear my spinning ring and my comfy shoes. I can have my earplugs or headphones ready for those times when the noise starts to become too much.
I can also clearly communicate. The article, in referring to children, recommends setting clear expectations for each event with the child. That’s fine for children. But for me, at almost 53 years old… I’m communicating MY needs to others. “Yes, I’d love to meet up with you, let’s go to a quiet little diner!” “Yes, I’d love to help out with that, but I’m swamped until February!” “No, that’s really not my cup of tea…” (Yes, my mum was English. I use phrases like “not my cup of tea” a lot.)
SSM Health also prioritizes self-care and the importance of a support network, to which I say Amen. I messaged my best friend about the overwhelm, and she immediately responded, “GET OUTSIDE NOW AND BREATHE.” I did (after I clocked in) by going to drop something in the FedEx pickup box. When I headed back into the office, I made myself a cup of tea and put in my earphones to quiet the noise. I asked a co-worker to keep an ear on the phones while I got some work done. And that work was simple data entry, with the familiar soothing routine of typing numbers and codes in a database over and over in perfect routine.
This holiday season, give yourself the gift of honoring your needs, whether you’re neurodiverse or neurotypical. It is a time of overwhelm and anxiety for so many, and you deserve to be present.
Merry Christmahanukwanzaakah.
Resource:
Mischler, Bryan. “Navigating the Holidays: Supporting Neurodiversity.” SSM Health, http://www.ssmhealth.com/blogs/ssm-health-matters/october-2023/navigating-the-holidays-supporting-neurodiversity#:~:text=While%20the%20holiday%20season%20is%20a%20time%20of,often%20experience%20heightened%20struggles%20during%20this%20festive%20time.